Handling Rude Behaviour from Adolescents: A Guide for Parents

Adolescence is a significant journey, both for teenagers experiencing it and for their parents or carers navigating through it alongside them. This period can be turbulent, confusing, and sometimes distressing for adolescents, who are often buffeted by hormones and strong emotions. They face significant emotional and physical transformations, along with a shift towards greater reliance on peer groups and the impending reality of taking care of themselves in an intimidating adult world.

 

For parents and carers, this is a time when we need to grapple with the substantial change from living with a child for whom we are entirely responsible to cohabiting with a hormonal half-adult in the midst of a significant transition. Understanding the adolescent’s perspective is crucial in this journey, as it fosters empathy and helps parents and carers approach the situation with more patience and understanding.

 

 

Behaviour that adults consider rude is common among teenagers. Answering back, eye-rolling, monosyllabic responses, failing to join in with family time, and staying behind closed doors are all behaviours many people will recognise from their teenage years. Along with these challenging behaviours, there can be a resistance to talking and sharing their lives with their parents and carers. The result can be family members feeling alienated from each other.

 

 

There are a couple of strands to consider when working out how to handle rude behaviour in your teenager. Firstly, it may be time for you to change your parenting approach. Take some time to think about whether you are treating your child in a way that they have now outgrown. Including them in this process and negotiating how you will work together as a family now that they have entered a different phase of life can be beneficial.

 

It’s also worth looking into what might be going on that your child is struggling with, so you can talk to them about it and work out a solution. Often, the person being unpleasant feels awful about their behaviour, so giving them a chance to be listened to and understood can make a big difference. Ultimately, while rude behaviour is unacceptable and creates an unpleasant atmosphere in the house, it’s up to parents and carers to help manage this behaviour. Take the time to understand what is happening, set expectations of behaviour, and enforce them fairly.

 

 

When dealing with a teenager’s resistance to sharing their lives with you, it can help to frame this as part of the natural separation and maturation process a child must go through as they become more independent. While it can be hard to feel shut out by your child, their development towards adulthood naturally involves a greater dependency on their peer group.

 

If you are worried that your child is keeping things from you that should be shared, try starting a conversation where you explain your concerns and ask for their help and solutions. There will be times when they feel more vulnerable and are able to open up. A safe and calm home environment will foster these moments, as will ensuring there are touch points in daily life where you can maintain a connection with your child. Given that so much of teenagers’ time is now spent on screens, try to set aside regular periods where everyone puts their devices away. Physical challenges that require teamwork, such as camping, climbing, or even walking a dog, are also great ways to help everyone in the family reconnect.

 

“Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain” by Dan Siegel is a great book for understanding the teenage brain and supporting your child’s development through this difficult period.

 

 

Challenging behaviour is part and parcel of parenting a teenager. Understanding what is going on for them and changing how you parent can help manage it effectively.